carolou

I don't know

2006-03-19T14:55:59Z

I don't like having to try and think of a subject title for my entries.

So, my hair journal crashed and I guess all the stuff got deleted on their computer systems. Sad. I guess now they're starting up a new site or something like that. I really liked that place too...

Basically I guess I'll try using this journal for my hair too.

For hair. My hair seems to be doing well. I think it's starting to get thicker. :) I didn't measure last month, but I probably grew the usual half an inch. I'm excited to measure this coming month. I should be down to..38 1/2 inches. Now when I'm putting pants on after I get out of the shower I have to pull my hair out sometimes.

I did a herbal henna. I used the brown stuff. It's nice having my hair back to looking like my natural color. :) Of course henna doesn't change the color of your hair, just coats it. My hair seems to be shinier too! I'm pretty happy over all about how my hair seems to be doing lately. (Edit: This has been my third herbal henna, first was neutral, second red and now I used the brown. I do think that this third time my hair has come out looking the healthiest and gotten the most shine from it. Seems like much more than the times before.)

In other news. I'm going to be starting cosmetology school in May. I'm really excited about that and also nervous. I'm going to be going full time, but I can switch to part time if I want to.

I think that's about all pretty much.....

I went to confession yesterday and the priest thinks that I should see a councellor...or a spiritual director or nun, someone that I can talk to and trust. That's what he thinks. I guess I'm a nut or something. lol.

anti-christ dreams

2006-02-15T04:01:01Z

Well. I just wanted to put down in here about the dreams I had recently.

Last week I had a dream that the anti-christ was born and it was a baby, and right after it was born someone(don't remember who or if I knew then) was putting the anti-christ baby up to my face trying to get me to look at it, but I kept trying not to.

Then not the next night but the night after I had another dream.

The devil wanting to get me pregnant with the anti-christ. I was trying to get the devil away but I couldn't. I seemed to be partially awake and I felt my body burning hot while the devil tried to get me pregnant with the anti-christ.

The really strange part about these dreams is that they came out of the complete blue. I always dream about different stuff, well my dreams are made up of different stuff during the day and then I can wake up and be like, "oh, look how my brain made that dream from the other day" or something. But these weren't. I hadn't had the anti-christ brought up at all in forever and I hadn't thought about it or anything. It's just creepy.

I can't ignore these things anymore. I know it was probably just a dream, though. It really makes me wonder...

I know the devil is very real. I know he can do things that most people, I think, would deny. But, I know how real he is and that he can somehow come into this world..I don't know how to explain it or say it right. Just that he can physically harm you. He hasn't physically harmed me but I know that he could and I know it can be that real and is.

I also realized the other day how the dream I had in the past..well, not just a dream. But, it happened like a week or two before going on the retreat thing(Journey) it's interesting time. I think it is anyways.

That's all. I just wanted to get this all down while it's still fresh in my memory.

riddle me this....

2005-12-15T00:10:28Z

if tax money is going to help kill someone(Tookie and many others) and you know it is going to help pay for murders, is it a sin to pay your taxes? When you fully know that it's going to help cause someone to be killed?

Jesus did say to pay them what is theirs(look who's face is on the money) but still...when you know that it will go to help kill someone, is it okay?

I have a real problem with this all.

Personally, I would not feel okay about helping pay for someone to be killed. Also, taxes also go to police officers..and to help them have their guns and what not..and their job is to sometimes kill people, I DO NOT support that. Not to mention the tax money going to help pay for this war.

So, I suppose I have a few years to think up some way to never have to pay taxes. Because I feel it's wrong.

I know it is a lot easier to just pay them. I know that their are many reasons that people could use to justify paying taxes. But did God put us here to just do what's easier? Or am I, as a Catholic, called to stand up and not just do something that I feel isn't okay or right? How could I just sit back and live with what "I have to" and just go along and not try and change something that I feel is completely wrong?

People have souls. It is so easy to forget that we're here to help others know God and to help shepard peoples SOULS to get to Heaven. It is so easy to only think about our physical bodies, and what will help us, ourselves, here on earth.

What right does anyone have to kill another person, even if it is to protect anothers physical life? In doing so, I feel you lose faith and trust in God. Now I'm not saying that someone(a parent) who kills some guy that broke in, in self defense(for themselves and kids) is going to go to hell or is a bad person. I just don't feel that it's what God would truely want us to do.

I do not and will not support the killing of any other human being. I believe NO ONE has the right to do that in ANY SITUATION.

Now I sit here and think about all these things. But I don't know what to do to try and help and to have others see how precious and important a soul is, so much more than anyones physical life. I believe the soul of a murderer is still more important than the physical life of a child. Any soul is more important than any physical life.

Being killed by a murderer, will not make you go to hell..unless you have some mortal sin on your soul. You(no mortal sin) would simply have a change in your life, you would not die, only you would leave this earth and your physical body. Killing a murderer in self defense could send his soul to hell.

So, what is more important?

You may not go to hell for killing him in self defense, and basically sending his soul to hell. But, what's more important to you? Yours and maybe your familys physical lives or his soul?

A soul is so precious, a soul is truely us. Not our physical bodies. So, how can it be okay to not give someone every possible chance to save their soul, for what? For only this life on earth, in our physical bodies?

hm..lately...

2005-12-07T23:02:44Z

*yawns*

Well, I can't wait for this day to end so then I can wake up early and have some escarole soup! :) yay, hehe. Today my dad and sister made home made meat balls. They made a bunch of small onesfor the soup and then a few big ones to freeze, for when we have pasta and tomato sauce stuff, yum. I helped my mom make the escarole soup. :) I can't waaaait to have it, hehe. Everyone else is having it tonight, though...but I can't eat yet.

I'm not sure what else to write about in here...

Tomorrow is a Holy Day of Obligation. I'm not sure which Mass we'll be going to. I hope they still have DTS, though. I wouldn't think there wouldn't be except because they're having a Mass in the Cathedral at 7...but no word yet about it, so I guess everything is still going to happen.

I don't have anything else to say right now, not much of anything new.

yet another day...

2005-12-04T01:28:15Z

Well, let's see...

Right now I'm pretty cold, just got out of the shower. :) I had to wash my hair. I'm hoping it'll hurry up and dry before I go to sleep. I didn't want to have to get up extra early to wash it in the morning, before church. I'm not sure what I'll wear to Mass tomorrow, though..I want to wear something nice. :) But something warm too, lol.

What else, hmm...

I can't wait for DTS next week, I haven't gone in two weeks. Because they didn't have it on Thanksgiving and then I was going to go this past Thursday but I had my hair disaster.. :( so I wasn't able to. Oh well. Next week.

I got to watch Zorro today, yay! :) I really love that movie. I love Catherine Zeta Jones hair in it, it's so beautiful and long. Her mom in it also has long pretty hair.

Ummm..I guess that's really about it.

I won't be able to go to Winter Carnival. I wonder who is going... I know Betina will probably be going, she really wants to.

finger nails

2005-12-03T03:20:26Z

I'm going to try and start keeping track of how often I cut my finger nails. I know this probably sounds weird to who ever is reading this..but I've tried to keep track of it in my hair journal(it is for hair purposes) but then I always forget. So, I'm hoping that if I try to keep track of it on this journal then I'll remember. We'll see.

Anyway, I'm cutting them today.

Oh and incase anyone cares, my hair is now 36 1/2 inches long.

true or false quiz

2005-12-01T03:47:50Z

TRUE or FALSE?

1. Girls are more likely to get STD's than guys.

2. If you're HIV negative, this means that you don't have the virus.

3. Condoms were invented to prevent the spread of STDs.

4. Virgins can't transmit STDs

5. Condoms are 99% effective in preventing pregnancy.

6. Most people who have an STD know that they're infected.

7. Using a condom eliminates the risk of getting an STD.

8. If you have herpes or syphilis, you're more likely to get HIV.

9. Using a spermicide can increase your risk of getting an STD.

10. Most brands of condoms contain a chemical that can cause cancer.

11. Teenage girls are more easily infected with STDs than women in their twenties.

12. If people abstained 6 months between sexual partners, the AIDS epidemic would be solved.

13. You can get pregnant without having sex.

14. You can get Liver cancer from sleeping with someone who has an STD.

15. If more people had birth control, there would be fewer abortions.

16. It is legal for condom companies to distribute millions of defective condoms each year.

17. BONUS TRICK QUESTION: The HIV virus is so small that it can easily pass through the pores of a condom, causing the other person to be infected.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
ANSWERS

1. TRUE: STD's are sexist. Women are more easily infected than men, and are more likely to suffer serious consequences, like infertility or tubal pregnancies.

2. FALSE: Once you're infected with HIV, it could take months before your blood test says you're HIV positive. Click here for details.

3. FASLE: While a condom may reduce the risk of getting some STDs, this was not their original purpose. They were invented to make women more sexually available by reducing the odds of pregnancy. We men invented the condom thousands of years ago, and are still trying to convince women that it will liberate and protect them.

4. FALSE: Virgins can transmit STDs, because they might have contracted an STD by means other than intercourse, such as oral sex, hand-to-genital contact, etc.

5. FALSE: One way the condom companies get that "99%" number is by filling condoms up with water and testing for leaks in a laboratory setting. These experiments are charming, but their results have never been reproduced in the real world. In fact, the condom's typical annual failure rate in preventing pregnancies amongst people aged fifteen to twenty-four is 18.4%! The people who make money off of condom sales argue that this high number should be blamed on incorrect condom use. But, considering that health experts recommend up to 24 steps for proper condom use, it's pretty misleading and irresponsible to tell anyone that the condom will prevent pregnancies 99% of the time. Interestingly, since the mid-eighties, those who are sexually active are getting pregnant more often, despite an increase in condom use! Click here for proof.

6. FALSE: eight out ten people who have an STD don't know that they're infected.

7. FALSE: Every STD in the world can be transmitted while using a condom correctly and consistently. While the condom may reduce the risk of some, it eliminates the risk of none.

8. TRUE: STD's like herpes or syphilis often cause sores, which can cause HIV to be more easily transmitted.

9. TRUE: Spermicides contain a chemical called Nonoxynol-9, which can damage the female reproductive tract, thus making her more likely to contract HIV or other STDs. (FDA Press Release, Jan 16, 2003, "FDA Proposes New Warning for Over-the-Counter Contraceptive Drugs Containing Nonoxynol-9.")

10. TRUE: Click here for details.

11. TRUE: During her teenage years, the cervix of a woman is immature, and is covered with a tissue known as the ectropion. In a young woman, it has a larger surface area that is more susceptible to infection due to its size. When a female reaches her mid-twenties, the ectropion will have matured, decreased in size, and have been replaced by a tissue that is more resistant to infections from STDs. For example, if a fifteen-year-old girl is sexually active, she is ten times as likely as a sexually active twenty-four-year-old to develop Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), which can cause infertility.

12. TRUE: Click here for details.

13. TRUE: If any semen is released in the vicinity of the woman's reproductive area, there is the possibility of her becoming pregnant, even if "intercourse" never took place.

14. TRUE: Hepatitis can lead to liver cancer.

15. FALSE: Studies show that the provision of contraception leads to an increase in the abortion rate. When people use birth control, they set their wills against new life. So, the more people you have using birth control, the more people you have who don't expect to get pregnant. Since contraception treats pregnancy as if it was a disease, many people conclude that abortion must be the cure. I read one condom advertisement that called pregnancy "the mother of all nightmares." With this mentality, it's no surprise that the sex researcher Alfred Kinsey said "we have found the highest frequency of induced abortion in the group which, in general, most frequently used contraceptives." That's why Planned Parenthood puts their phone number on their condom labels. When it fails, you'll come back in a few weeks to give them a few hundred dollars for an abortion!

16. TRUE: 600 million condoms are produced in the US each year. The FDA requires that no more than one condom in 250 can fail a leakage test. So, if you do the math, condom companies are allowed to distribute a total of 2.4 million defective condoms every year.

17. TRUE AND FALSE: It's true that the HIV virus is smaller than the pores of a condom. But, this fact is misleading for two reasons. One: The HIV virus is contained within body fluids, such as blood, semen, etc. So, as long as the fluid can't fit through the pores, the size of the virus doesn't really matter. Secondly: Even if a single virus could suddenly jump out of the fluid and through a pore in a condom, this would probably not infect the person with HIV, since a much higher dose of the virus is needed for its transmission.

Gods power over me

2005-12-01T01:06:07Z

He can make me weak, He can bring me to my knees, and He can humble my heart, Gods strength makes me weak and inlove.

What man besides Jesus Christ has died out of love for me?

None, and no other man has to because my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ already did. Jesus Christ did not die for my physical life but for my soul. Who could want more than the love of a man that did that, that is more concerned with my soul than his own physical being or my physical being?

Such completely, beautiful, unconditional, and forgiving, love.

third time posting tonight...

2005-11-29T04:56:34Z

you know, maybe this wouldn't be my third time posting tonight if I had someone to talk to. Don't blame me.

Here's a picture of Allen(not sure about spelling)

Isn't he adorable? :) I sure think so. He's a few months old, his birthday is a few days before mine. Guess who he is... My ex-boyfriend Mikes baby. Wouldn't you just love to hold this little cute baby? I know I sure would, he's so adorable. :)

I'm never ever listening to people

2005-11-29T04:46:14Z

I just had a thought..I should really talk more to other people. I guess I just enjoy listening to other people and watching them far too much for my own good. Maybe someone would like it if I spoke and everything like others..so they could know me better...oh well. I can't help it, maybe I could but..I'm not changing yet.

I made home made noodles today. You know, I was the only one home(besides my brother, who was sleeping) so I had to make the noodles for supper. I did.

That's what I did today.

I just got out of the shower..I had sweaty arm pits and now I don't. I am all ready for bed, in my pajamies and wearing my retainer...My hair is all done up for sleeping. Ready for bed.

Never ever listening to people, I'm never ever listening to people.

I'm supposed to decide if I want to go to Winter Carnival by Thursday..or maybe it's the Gift thing..I don't know, I can't remember. Maybe I should just say that I'll go....actually I have to know the dates, wow, REMINDER FOR CAROLYN: MAKE SURE AND CHECK THE DATES TO MAKE SURE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE YOUR BLOODY(no pun intended, hah) PERIOD DURING IT! Sorry..maybe I should have just written it down on a paper so people wouldn't have to read that...Darn, I'm sorry. Well, you just read it, Gods will be done.

I'm tired, why am I awake? I miss Tulip so much...

my plans for world domination

2005-11-29T04:05:05Z

the pinky, the pinky and the brain brain brain brain...

I have not seen that show in years.

For the last..however long..I really wouldn't know because all I do is stay in bed and watch TV now...I'm not ashamed, oh no, I am not.

Job? My parents want me to get a job? Let me tell you..I do not care. Maybe I will get a job soon, but I do not want one. I would rather help out at a soup kitchen or something. Why start working now? I have my whole life ahead of me to waist doing work.

Anyways,

I've come to the realization(while not getting out of bed) that God has given me a conversion of heart. Let me tell you something else, I thank God for this, and that I got it right in time..because otherwise I would not be someone going to Mass on Sunday, I would not be a happy person with God, I would not have comfort from my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ during this time of suffering.

Conversion of heart...I never really thought THAT much about it before, but lately I have been. I think a lot of where someone is in their Faith has to do with where they are in their heart. I know that conversion of heart is something that I NEEDED. Others may have viewed me as having strong faith but I love God again(after my conversion of heart), and things have just changed and I mean things that weren't going to change from my own doing..things I didn't have the power to change.

Now I wonder how many people could have a hugely strong faith and be willing to give up everything in this world, on this earth, for God..if they could only have a conversion of heart.

At Journey, I felt Jesus put His hand on my cheek. It wasn't like a person putting their hand on my cheek but I felt His hand there. I heard Him in my heart saying that it was okay and that God still loves me. I knew these were His words and that He was actually speaking to me. I've never heard God actually speak to me in words. But then and there I did. Then and there, on my knees with my eyes closed, I felt Gods hand on my cheek and I heard His words.

God loves me, He loves me. I love God and now with my conversion of heart, I do not just fear Him and not understand Him, now I love Him and trust Him.

All I know is that conversion of heart is SO important. If I could give anything to another person, I'd want to give them conversion of heart. Even if they are already strong in faith, maybe they could still use a conversion of heart.

Other than all of that..I'm a depressed sad little person, who has sinned far past my age.

You think John might be my person for confirmation? So, I don't know exactly what the person is called..sponser? John Fitts. Maybe I should try talking to him more before thinking he might want to do that, hm? Okay, fine, maybe. Watching him(I wasn't STARING..sheesh) at Journey, especially during the Mass was so beautiful..it's so amazingly beautiful watching people who seem to be so filled with faith and love for God. I love it, infact..I love being around the DTS kiddos, they're all so pretty inside their hearts.

life thoughts

2005-11-20T17:26:04Z

Well, I haven't updated this thing for a while..sorry....if you like reading this, lol.

Anyways, lately I've been realizing how mis-directed my life is.

Ever since Journey I've been thinking A LOT about vocations. Before I had been thinking a lot about what I should do with my life and what I'm supposed to do.

Now it's like..going to cosmetology school and working with hair or maybe going to college for phsycology are two pretty good options and ways I could choose to live my life. But what you do in life is going to be a main focus in everyday you live..those two things aren't necessarily going to lead me closer to God and help mine and other peoples souls get to Heaven.

I keep thinking about how Jesus said something like, it's better to cut off your hands and what not, if they're causing you to sin. So, I keep wondering..if I choose one of those options, will it be harder for me to keep my life focused on God and His will? And I do believe it would make it harder than if I chose something different, like a more Religious path(nun for example).

So..in my heart I'm just having this extreme desire to give up all these earthly attachments and just live my life entirely for God. It's like I can not breathe without God and none of the water I drank in the past was clean, when I didn't see God in my life.

I'm going to stop going on for now, I may write more later.

on a pathetic note

2005-11-03T03:29:14Z

I feel so depressed right now. I really don't even feel like living............ *sighs*

funny

2005-11-03T02:36:44Z

It's just so amazing how obvious, what I'm supposed to do with my life, is.

I mean this by a career type of thing. I mean, I've spent countless hours reading and learning about hair. I love learning about hair. I love hair. I love taking care of my hair. I love making treatments to do in my hair.

It's funny how obvious God has made it for me and how I just kind of over looked it. Thinking..I enjoy that, why would I want to do that as a job?

Also, if we believe we're meant to do something in our lives, should we not be willing to lose everything for it? God has a reason for all of us to be here and should we not be willing to give up our attachments of things and go and do what we feel we're meant to do? I guess to say it better...should we not be willing to let go and step out of our comfort zone and where we're safe to change our lives and do Gods will and what He has meant for us?

Maybe I've been listening to too much classical like music..and it's allowed me to think and have it all seem clear to me. haha, that's a joke. :P silly me.

Hmm.

halloween night

2005-11-01T01:30:25Z

Well, I'm really kind of bored. It's Halloween night and of course no one else is online...because other people have friends, where they live. I have friends :) but they live in MA :(.

We haven't gotten a single trick or treater, sad...do less people trick or treat these days or something?

On another note..I realized that someone reading my journal, may think I've completely lost my mind. Oh well, maybe I have. I don't know. Maybe that's why I decided I'd go to Journey.

I'm going to this retreat called Journey this weekend. It's Friday-Sunday. I really hope it's not boring. I also really hope I won't feel too uncomfortable. Honestly..I really don't know a thing about it or what it'll be like. It's in some school. I won't have any time alone, which doesn't bother me that much..but for three days..I just hope that I'll live through this. I'm really nervous about going, I don't know if I really want to. ........What have I gotten myself into? Eeksh *hides*

meaning of my life

2005-10-29T01:18:44Z

I've been doing some SERIOUS thinking.

When I was little my parents would ask me, "who do you love?" and I would say that I loved my parents and God.

So, I'm looking back and thinking of how pure and innocent I was then. How close to God I was. Now I may have learned more about my Religion now and more about God... Although I believe I was far closer to God then. This past year...not entire year, few months, I guess. I've been becoming closer to God. I know I have, maybe close to how I was then.

When I was little I saw things. I'm not sure how many times it happened...I personally remember multiple times. I believe that if you ask my parents about the time they know of(not sure if they know that it was multiple times) that they'd say it was because I was sick. The thing is, I don't believe it was because I may have been sick.

Now I've been thinking, I was little then. Why would God have those things happen? I do not know. I do know that lately, since I feel I've been getting closer to God again, I've been feeling like...something is there. Personally, I feel something evil, I don't like it. When I was little I saw stuff that was evil.

Here's what is bothering me. Is this Gods will? Is there something to this that should take a big part in my life, if I live my life for God? Should I not ask God to let me see what I saw when I was little? Or to allow me to see more? Are these things not of God, but God allows it? And if that is the case, is that Gods will..and should I be seeking to pull this back into my life? It's very difficult because I know these things feel evil. But does God want me to be around and see and feel this evil for a purpose? Or is this something that happens but I should be trying to seperate myself from and pull away from and ignore?

I really don't even begin to understand this stuff. But inside a part of me can't help but want to know more about this and can't help but ask God to let me see what I could see then.

I don't know, but it's hard to ignore. How can you ignore something that puts itself in your life, and you have no control over it? Something that, I would say, is not the normal? *sighs* When this is obviously not something everyone experiences in their lives, how can I choose to ignore it and think that I'm living my life for God?

I feel God is stripping me of my attachments to everything in my life. It makes me think even more, what does God want in my life? What is His purpose for me?

sighs

2005-10-13T14:19:53Z

It's hard to think about everything. Doing all this math to get ready for the GED, has really helped me to look at life one day at a time. If I had kept always looking at the future, never really just being here and now, I would have given up on keeping up with this math and everything. I would have looked at all the math I've had to do and said, "that's impossible, or too hard, I can't do that" but now I've just looked at what I have to do each day and try to get through that.

It's really hard to feel like God is the one piling up my cross onto my shoulders, like He's the one giving me my burden to carry. Yes, I'm taking my suffering and trying to say bring it on. But, why does God do this to me, to people? He can do anything He wants and He chooses to make us suffer. Yeah, probably to help us become closer to Him and all that but He could do it a different way, He can do anything.

Tulip keeps losing weight..and she's been coughing more. :( It's beyond sadness. It's like Gods decided that He'd like to rip my heart into peices, and why..maybe because He's been bored with me and my life and would like to make it change for Himself. I don't know. What a horrible thing to think. I just pray that Tulip doesn't have to suffer through this all. I'm also very thankful for being able to of had Tulip and for so long, I love her so much. She's my baby and been the only thing to get me to get up and out of bed sometimes. What a blessing she is, she's made me so happy, she's just..she means so much to me. I remember when we first got her, we had to keep her in the krate(spelling?) at night and I slept down there on the floor next to it to keep her company, everynight. I don't know for how long..it was so long ago..weeks..maybe months? I'm not sure. I remember, it was love at first sight. I love her so much, I've never been able to punish her, when I'm supposed to. How can I think of living without her without crying? I suppose it's a good thing I'm not really mad at God for this, just thankful for every second I've had with her.

I don't really know if I'm mad at God...But I do feel like this pain inside of my heart, the burden in life I have to carry, is coming from Him. I think He has found ways to place this suffering into my life. Maybe it's beyond suffering now. I don't know. But, Jesus loves me..and Jesus did what He had to do, He died for me. So, I'll go through all of this for Jesus. It's difficult because I know God and Jesus are the same, but..I also feel afraid, ashamed, unloved, judged by God but completely different about Jesus, I feel that Jesus loves me, understands, listens and wants to help me through, I feel safe with Jesus, and although I feel I've done wrong and I'm sad and sorry for my sins, I feel that Jesus still loves me even though I've done the things I've done. It's hard...am I shutting God out but holding onto Jesus for dear life? It certainly feels that way to me. And because I love Jesus, I try to trust God and love God...But this whole thing is crazy, when they're the same, one.

okay, tiired...

2005-10-13T04:37:44Z

Okay. I haven't updated this thing for a little bit. But, haha..neither has anyone else, so hah! I haven't failed the "keeping this thing up". Yeah..I'm really tired.

Next week I'm going to be taking the math and social studies tests for the GED. I passed the Reading, Writing and Science already. Yay. I hope I pass these other two..then I'll be all done! I may get a job or something, imagine that. College next year? I don't know yet.

What else, hmm. My hair seems to be looking longer to me. Of course that's probably because I haven't been washing it as much, so, my hair isn't as curly(from finger-combing it everyday and stuff). Which means I can actually see the real length more.

I can't waaait to get to bed, or just in my bed. I'm freeezing! Plus I've been feeling sick lately, I have a cold. :( Poor me. Plus I'm having very bad cramps today, month after month..I just don't know how I survive it.

Okay fine, goodnight. I updated it.

fill it out, please!

2005-10-01T22:47:10Z

If you care, then you'll share!!!
Body: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:

1. I died:

2. I kissed you:

3. I lived next door to you:

4. I started smoking:

5. I stole something:

6. I was hospitalized:

7. I ran away from home:

8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?

::WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY::

9. Personality:

10. Eyes:

11. Hair:

12. Family:

::WOULD YOU::
13. Be my friend?

14. Keep a secret if I told you one?

15. Hold my hand?

16. Take a bullet for me?

17. Keep in touch?

18. Try and solve my problems?

19. Love me?

20. Date me?

::HAVE YOU EVER::

21. Lied to make me feel better?

22. Wanted to kiss me?

23. Wanted to kill me?

24. Broke my heart?

25. Kept something important from me?

26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?

::AND MORE::

27. Who are you?

28. Are we friends?

29. When and how did we meet?

30. Describe me in one word:

31. What was your first impression?

32. Do you still think that way about me now?

33. What reminds you of me?

34. If you could give me anything, what would it be?

35. How well do you know me?

36. When's the last time you saw me?

37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

38. Are you gonna repost this to see what I say about you?

math..ick

2005-09-29T03:56:15Z

Well,

I'm doing a lot of math now, getting ready for taking the GED math test. Actually..I have been doing math. But, it wasn't as much(kind of) while my parents were away.

I can now say that I'm doing algebra stuff, wow. Wow. I repeated that, I know.

It's difficult at times to do this math, like I have to everyday..for hours. But, then somehow I make it through. Thank God! Literally..I know I couldn't be getting through all this without Him.

I really do hope that I'll be able to pass the GED...I go in a few weeks. I'm not sure of the exact dates, though.

I still haven't gotten the results back for the Writing, Reading and Science tests. We should be getting them in the mail REALLY soon. I really hope that I passed those. I don't want to have to do any over.

I already have to take the math and social studies when I go back, in a couple weeks.

I guess I just wanted to say that that is what's going on with me lately.

Oh, Betina got her hair cut. It's pretty short..above shoulders. It's really cute! :) It like bounces and stuff, it's like a dress(or skirt) that swirls/spins when you spin in a circle..it's so nice! :) It looks really great on her, too.

lyrics

2005-09-26T07:14:27Z

I can't get clean again
I want to know
Can we get clean again

I can't keep it all together
And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
I can't keep it all together
And there's a memory of a window
Looking through I see you
Searching for something
I could never give you
And there's someone who
Understands you more than I do
A sadness I can't erase
All alone on your face-Third Eye Blind

hmmmm

2005-09-26T05:50:40Z

"So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life--whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing? Look at the birds. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than they are. Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Of course not.
And why worry about your clothes? Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith!
So don't worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. Why be like the pagans who are so deeply concerned about these things? Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.
So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6: 25-34

red sox

2005-09-25T04:39:11Z

wow, lol. This is sooooo hilarious..and so wrong. lol

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/usmcsister1974/album?.dir=d46c&.src=ph

Papelbon, Delcarmen, Stern, Shapach, and Machado.

thoughts about the future

2005-09-25T00:38:21Z

Well, I just feel like writing about some of my thoughts for my future. :)

If I do get the GED in a couple of weeks... I'm thinking of maybe going to college next year. I would want to major in phsycology.

I haven't done too much looking at colleges yet, though. I do think I'd rather go to a Catholic college. It'd be a big step in my life to go to college..and I'd feel a lot of comfort if I knew it was a Catholic college and I didn't have to worry as much about perverts. lol..just to be realistic. I know that Emmanuel(in Boston) has a course for majoring in phsycology..and so does St. Josephs(in Maine).

Although I do feel that I should have a talk with Betina. Because I know that part of the reason she wants to go to college is to go somewhere else and stuff..and I'm not sure if that means she'd rather me not go to the same college or what...so I should talk to her about that. :P She's probably reading this, lol.

I was also thinking that I could start at a college that doesn't have a major in phsycology and then switch after a couple years to one that does..or whenever I feel I'm ready to switch. The reason for this is because I'm interested in thomas moore college(in new hampshire). My oldest brother went there and really loved it. I don't know if it'd be right for me..but, I'm interested in it. But it doesn't have a major in phsycology, so I would have to switch to a different college at some point.

These are all plans IF I do in fact get the GED.

Another thing is that I don't know how my parents would feel about me going to college next year..if it was one that was away from home. Because I'd only be 17 then. Hmm..I'd have to talk about it all with them, which I will if I get the GED, to see how we all feel about it.

I was thinking that if I do this, it'd be REALLY great. Because I could get out of college by the age of 20-21. Which would work very well with fitting in with my plans for my romantic and dreamful hopes of having lots of kids and getting married early 20s! haha, yay! I do not want to be like those people who wait until 30s to have kids, that's just not for me.

Which brings up another topic I've been thinking about lately. Marriage. People are so afraid to commit to marriage these days and take on such a huge responsibility. I REALLY admire people today who stay together after getting married and love each other and work through hard times and don't give up on each other.

I don't like how people seem to think that marriage will be all easy just because they've found the person that they love and want to live with for the rest of their life. I think that people will still make mistakes. That person that you love, will hurt you, annoy you, upset you, at times. But, that doesn't mean it's not worth it. The good is far greater than the bad. In my opinion. I just wish that people could look at marriage more real..and realize it will be really hard at times.

I want to marry someone that knows these things. I want to be with someone that knows we're all still growing until we die. Someone who knows that sex is holy. Someone who loves kids and isn't afraid to have them just because of money, God will supply miracles, not saying we won't have to work REALLY hard. I want to marry someone that will still love me after I puke on him. Someone that forgives me for the mistakes that I will make. Someone that grows to even love the worst qualities about me. And I do want to give those things back. I want to give and can give unconditional love with forgiveness with Gods help. I know that God has someone for me and that we're meant to be together and because of that, I know I will never give up on that man.

oh yeah..

2005-09-23T04:14:04Z

I just want to say that in my past posts..besides the one right below this one. They have a lot of anger and stuff..and swears. So, please don't read them or if you do please don't judge me on them. I'm growing...